Why Your Relationship With Yourself Can Save Your Relationship

Written By REL Robinson

By R.E.L Robinson, LPC-Associate, NCC

Trauma-Informed Therapy Insights — July 2025

Check Your Baggage

We all carry baggage into our connections.

It shows up as unhealed wounds, tangled thoughts whispering:

“I’m not good enough.”
“I’ll never be enough.”
“I’m too much.”
“I’m worthless.”
“You can’t trust anyone.”
“When it’s all said and done, everyone lets me down.”

The tendency to shut down, lash out, be hyper-independent, or people-please just to avoid conflict?

That is not “just how you are.”

It’s a collection of memories turned into stories you learned while growing up.

But leaving your baggage unchecked will wreck your relationships — running them straight into the ground.

Why Does the Work Start With You?

When you heal yourself:

  • You set healthy boundaries instead of building walls.

  • You speak your needs assertively — not passively, aggressively, or with guilt.

  • You can love without losing yourself.

You become someone who embodies love, trust, and openness — respecting yourself first and extending that to others.

This is how disconnection becomes reconnection.

When you heal your relationship with yourself:

  • The dis-ease of vulnerability is replaced with the willingness to show your divine femininity, masculinity, and sacred fragility.

  • You protect your connection with yourself — letting go of external validation.

  • You accept what is, and what you wish to grow from — making you less judgmental of others, strengthening your relationships.

  • You relinquish reactivity. You are no longer defined by deep-rooted insecurities — you define them.

Three Steps to Build (or Rebuild) Your Relationship With Yourself

Step One: Date yourself.
Take time to actually feel your feelings instead of avoiding them. Quiet self-reflection helps you understand yourself. Journal it out.

Step Two: Take inventory.
Pause in tough emotional moments and question yourself:
Do you shut down during arguments?
Do you over-apologize? Or avoid apologizing?
Ask: What’s really happening here?

Step Three: Get help.
A therapist can help you untangle what’s yours to carry — and what you can finally put down.

Ready to Start?

If this resonated with you, stop waiting for your relationship to “get better” and start building something better inside yourself.

REL Robinson